I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
