I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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