Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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