Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
