I could have mohawked her pubes.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
