She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
