Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
