I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your penis caused this!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
