my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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