Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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