i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
