what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
