Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
