I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want a musical about memes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
