It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
