I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
