On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
