3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
