So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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