My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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