I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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