Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize