Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
