im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
