We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
