I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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