In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
