I think my fart just growled at me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
