there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
