My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And then he peed in my hair
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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