I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
