im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
