he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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