I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
