Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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