what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
