Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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