my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
