Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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