If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
