NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
