I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
