Already got asked if we're dating
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
