hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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