the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
