you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
