youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
