I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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