Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
