1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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