I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
