Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
