Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
