I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
